Whatever Happened To Forever? 6 Things We Need To Know

After having the usual lengthy phone patch with my bestfriend last weekend, I was able to list down four possible blog topics with his help. Today, I opted to write about how ‘forever’ is slowly becoming non-existent in many relationships these days.

broken heart

A few weeks ago, I was planning to write about my favorite couple and they were going to be the next topic in my Friends, Lovers, and Strangers category but sadly, a lot of things have happened since the last time I hung out with them. My perfect picture of a happy couple crashed and burned like a failed F1 automobile which took up speed way too early in the race. It broke my heart to know that their problem followed them in four different countries; but I know that I could not intervene (for fear of overstepping) and this was something that they needed to fix on their own.

While reflecting on this, it made me think of what went wrong? It made me think of all my failed relationships as well. Sometimes, it’s only after enduring a difficult break-up or while being a spectator to one will we try to pick our brains in analyzing why things have gone sour. Surely, it was not always about the anger, frustration, and pain. I’m quite sure that there was a time once when it was about love, happiness, and understanding. Like what I always say to people, the beginning is always good. What we need to understand now is how it went from good to bad (or worst for some) and hopefully, to learn from this.

The Past Has Passed

There are many reasons why relationships fall apart but one important thing that we always fail to realize is the difference in every relationship. Every relationship is always a fresh start, a chance to take on a more positive approach but unfortunately, our past baggage gets in the way. Whether we admit it or not, we bring our negative experiences and past psychological distresses to our new relationship. A good friend once said that she read somewhere that “attitude is essentially everything and that you are essentially your attitude.” So if you’re the type who have become distrustful because your ex-boyfriend cheated on you then that’s going to be a problem. When you’re not giving the person the chance to prove himself or when you’re collecting faults, expect your relationship to suffer.

failed relationship

Sometimes we enter into a new relationship with doubts and start asking questions. What if I get hurt again? What if he or she will lie and cheat like all the others? What if I start nagging again? Questions are normal, most especially in the beginning, but these same questions should not hinder you from making the best out of what you have. We have to realize that these questions have the power to control us. If we allow ourselves to wallow in them, we would end up not investing anything on our relationships for fear that it will all be a complete waste in the end.

Starting It Right

My friend, Icholle, asked me once if I was serious in the relationship that I got myself into. During that time, I jokingly said, “No, this one’s just for fun.” She cocked an eyebrow then and told me, “Why would you want to waste your time playing around? Why not just be serious or not play at all if it’s not going to amount to something significant in your life?” Of course, after I heard this, I stopped making that joke.

She was right, of course. It was the wrong attitude to start with. Anyone who has the same perception is doomed. If you believe that it’s not going to last, then it will not. You should not be in it. If you continue to feel this way then obviously, you still have issues so I guess it would be best to not get involved in the first place. When you’re not ready, you’re not. Period. Don’t force it.

It’s Not About Falling

Why do people always affiliate being in a relationship with falling? Falling, by definition, is “to drop or come down freely under the influence of gravity or to lose an upright or erect position suddenly;” and in truth, these do not sound too encouraging. It’s almost similar to losing yourself and letting go of what or who you are, only to expect someone to save you from ending up with a huge bump on your head.

My Inspiration: The Missing Piece Meets the Big O by Shel Silverstein

Being in a relationship is what my favorite writer, Shel Silverstein, refers to as a ‘roll.’ Sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down but you are constantly moving. You are moving not as one but as two people working towards the same direction. Never make the mistake of relying on someone to make life happen for you. Never wait for someone to give you flowers because you can easily grow them. You have your own identity and your partner has his or hers. The important thing to remember is to never lose that identity while you and your partner are rolling together. Take note of the word ‘together.’ Together does not entirely mean having similar likes and wants; but it means that each one is willing to understand and support the other if this was what it would take to get from point A to point B.

Hard Work Is The Key

Whoever said that being in a relationship is a piece of cake was obviously never in a real one. You need to work it because I assure you, it’s not going to be easy all the time. As your relationship grows, everything else grows as well – the irritation over petty things, the anger over forgotten dates, or the dissatisfaction over goals not met. When things go wrong, you have to be willing to snap your relationship back into how it initially was. You need to apologize when needed, talk even if it is difficult to do so, exhaust all possible means, stop the lies, truly forgive and let go of your obsession with presumed self-entitlement.

bad-relationship-signs

Being in a relationship is not some experiment where you invest only if a return of some sort is realized within your time line or only after he or she has been conditioned to act in accordance with the punishment you have forced the person to undergo.

Yes, it’s like having a second day job. You actually need to report and do the work or else you won’t ever get paid. But like all day jobs, we can look forward to weekends and find comfort in knowing that it’s not hard work all the time.

Nothing Is Constant But Change

Change is inevitable. Let’s admit it, we will not always be the same person as how we were in the beginning of the relationship. As time passes, our minds or priorities change and in order to gain success, there is always a need to change our strategies. By changing our strategies, we are also changing a portion of ourselves. So it’s necessary to accommodate this change and not curse it.

What you can do is to show up, be emotionally available, and contribute to what has now become important to your partner while he or she too will do the same for you. Stop insisting on how it was in the past and learn to adapt or else your relationship will never survive. If you miss the past, look at old photographs – they never change, even if the ones in them do. Don’t dwell though. Smile and get back to reality after your ‘emo’ moment.

Celebration Is Part Of Your Daily Ration

Every day should be an opportunity to celebrate being together. Go out, have fun, travel, create firsts, leave notes in private places only your partner knows, write love letters, give gifts, and kiss. Oh kisses. Kisses should not never be taken for granted. A kiss is your promise to the other person that you are his or hers and that’s why you don’t just share them with anybody.

old-couple

Most importantly, celebrate by saying ‘I love you’ as often as you deemed true. Say it and don’t let moments pass, most especially when you really mean it. In a relationship, it’s a must that your partner knows this and reminded of this on instances when he or she needed reminding.

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Comments

  1. very nice! I have to roll now.. 🙂

  2. te dan, i am enjoying reading ur blog..keep writing! we mishu here.

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