Baking Therapy

During my short stay in Zhengzhou, an old Chinese cook once told me that whatever is in your heart can be reflected in the way you prepare your food. It was interesting how, even with the limited English he had, he was able to make me understand this concept. He even went ahead in saying that our brain can lie but the tongue will not betray the heart. If you felt empty, your food will not taste the flavor of the food you prepared. It will be as bland and formless as water and it will continue to be this way until you actually do something to change it.

I have never thought of that conversation for a long time and only remembered it after attempting to bake my anger away a week ago. I guess by now, you already have an idea as to where my avenue for venting out is — food.

baking my frustration away

A week ago, after the needless drama in the office and with inconsolable frustrations piling up, I was given a few days off to re-think my decision and during that time, I requested my adoptive aunt – Tita Agnes – here in India to teach me how to bake blueberry muffins and cheesecake. She was happy to oblige and I was determined to get my mind off of work.

It was so funny that, while I was laboring over the specific instructions, my mind drifted now and then to the things that have happened which led to a blow-up that couldn’t be hushed anymore. While measuring the ingredients, I was thinking why she was cutting me off every time I reached out to her for help. While preparing the flour mix, I was agonizing over the placement document. While gently mixing everything, I was wondering about failing the young people in the resource centers. I didn’t really care much about failing the organization, but failing the youth was heartbreaking. It wasn’t easy and the choice was between them and my sanity. Sometimes, my thoughts overwhelmed me. Tita Agnes, I guess, might just have observed this because she to took over the mixing else I’ll turn the dough into rubber.


From baking the muffins to cheesecake, I kept assuring myself that I was okay; that things will carry on like how they always have ; but I discovered that this notion was a lie which I have convinced myself to believe for some time now.

When the muffins and cheesecake were served, friends generously said that they were delicious and the consistency was cotton-perfect. I nodded in agreement and muttered my thanks but in reality, I could not taste anything. It was tasteless and my usual appetite has abandoned me the moment anxiety took residence in my life in India. It was either my food had no flavor or I was vomiting whatever I was consuming.

Obviously, it was time to go.

(Recipes on the next How To article)

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  1. Hey Den! Hang in there. Gamay nalang antos! I hope I can go with you para maglamyerda ta anywhere we want to go. *sigh* Just remember, my room is waiting for you whenever you decide to take that boat/plane back to Cebu 😉 Ingat! Miss you and love you! 😀

  2. Hi Doiskie…thanks a million….what will I do without friends like you…:)