I Am More Than The Scars I Carry

When I was in Thailand, I abhorred the blatant fact that women spent most of their hard-earned money on cosmetics, surgery, and slimming products that do not really live up to their promise. I hate to say this but my usual comments every time I went out were, “Why are there so many derma clinics here? Why is surgery very affordable? Why do women wear too much make-up even during day time? Why are slimming products selling like hotcakes?” Why? Why? Why?


During my stay there, I was probably told one too many times that I was fat and it still tickled me to see people’s reactions every time I told them what my weight was. My weight, to their surprise, was 63 kilos but have dropped to 58 when I started my muay thai training. I was proud of it and I didn’t really see anything wrong with it.

Sadly, many women in Thailand disagreed with me. They said that I should lose weight, stop eating too much, use make-up, go to a dermatologist, etc. Initially, I considered some of the advice but gave up on them half-way through because they were really unnecessary. For instance, when I tried to go on a diet, I ended up being irritable and was mad at the world! I didn’t like the idea of being hungry and my body revolted. People stayed out of my way because I scared them. Maybe if I go on a hunger strike for a worthwhile cause, that could be inspiration enough for me but to deprive myself so that I’ll be as skinny as the skeletal dolls walking around Bangkok to impress men – NO, thank you!

You want to be thin, go ahead and be thin; but be thin for the right reason. Don’t do it because you want to catch a guy’s eye while hamburger hunting with your girlfriends and don’t do it because you were pressured. Decide on your own and don’t let other people tell you how heavy or light you should be.


Me and Bokbok – proud to be fat!

So what if your body is not what beauty magazines promote. Never forget that you are more than the shape of your hips and size of your boobs (or buttocks). No one was born with the perfect stats and if you know of any, believe me – that person probably got something “done” and coughed up a large sum to keep the deal hush-hush. (Hahaha! Okay fine…maybe they’re real, maybe.)

Be comfortable in your own skin. Scars, chubby curves, tattoos, and acne – they are there to stay. Not all women have problems with them but trust me when I say that you are not alone. Not all women are blessed with flawless, creamy skin; not everyone are striding with long legs, unabashed by varicose veins; and certainly not all are trapped in gung-ho, slim-lean bodies.  It will take some time for you to develop the concept of “I am more than the scars I carry,” but eventually, you’ll embrace it because at some point, you’ll get tired of hiding behind your clothes, editing yourself in Photoshop, and masquerading with full-packed cosmetics.

I am woman

What you physically looked like reflects who you are inside. If you love to eat then it’s natural to tip the scale a bit. If a certain culture appealed to you then don’t let other people punish you for permanently marking your body with this appreciation, after all it is your body and not theirs. If your keloids were caused by giving birth to a beautiful child through a caesarean operation, I’m sure flaunting it by wearing a bikini at the beach will be worth it.

My point is, your physical appearance is merely a mirror of what you do, what you went through, and what you believe in; and if these reflections are enough to make you happy then their superficial results shouldn’t be so bad.

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  1. of course.. you are absolutely more than that. ^_______^