There’s nothing scarier than a love gone wrong. You know this because you have seen it too. We have all seen that uglier side of ourselves – how we succumbed to desperation which will then be accented by anger and hope; introducing us to what we thought were impossibilities and giving us new, infamous names that may be too shameful to be uttered. It is horrifying but the horror never lasts. What we usually fail to see is that elusive ‘thereafter’ that passes so subtly that we barely felt it was happening.

finding happiness again

Thereafter – the seconds of not thinking about the person which surprisingly turned to minutes, then hours, into days. Thereafter – the laughter squeezed out of you over the most mundane things. Thereafter – the foot trails you leave when you decided to take those trips which you have suspended because your supposed significant other refused to take part in them. Thereafter – forgetting to hope for that phone call or facebook message which will probably come too late. Thereafter – the flavor of your food slowly rolling back, relishing your palates with gusto. Thereafter – the innocent messages that became bolder in time because you unknowingly have decided not to hold your breath anymore. Thereafter – the dates you have finally agreed to go to. Thereafter – the once-upon-a-time important numbers and calendar reminders that have become a blur. Thereafter.

In 2010, I caught myself grovelling on the ground over a four-year relationship that obviously did not end too well. I’m sorry if I disappoint you by saying that all the grace I mustered in ballet was not applied, not even an ounce of it. I admit that I was a wreck and although it wasn’t exactly one of my proudest moments, I am thankful that I survived it. I am not going to write about how agonizing it was or what kind of person my ex-boyfriend was, but I will share snippets of the amazing journey I had after that break-up just so you’ll know that a bad break-up (It’s true what they say!) is not the end of the world.

After he left me for another woman, I left him and my old life for another country. I marveled at places that I dreamed of visiting. In a span of almost four years, I backpacked in 8 countries. I volunteered and fought for a cause. I taught in a foreign land that barely spoke the only common language that was shared. I spoke a different language. I swam naked in the Pacific and sunbathed under the African sun. I was swooned by a Maasai. I learned to appreciate the freedom I enjoyed when I visited ‘conflicted’ India. I dated when I was ready. I trained for muay thai. I smoked a joint and laughed like crazy until it wore off. I danced again. I read and rescued books. I earned friends from different parts of the globe.  There’s more but you get my point, right?

There is no need for hatred. It will only gnaw your insides like acid. A person leaves because he or she  needs to and although this makes him or her a bad person at that particular point, it doesn’t make him or her a bad person entirely. Let’s not put permanent labels on people’s foreheads because we all know that people change. You are just not the person for him or her. Your person has not arrived yet or might probably be hanging around and taking too much of his or her time getting lost somewhere.

So take it easy. Breathe. If I may borrow a friend’s advice, “compose yourself.” You know it’s going to be okay.

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