Your Hair, Your Partner

People still wonder, despite of my clear depiction of what kind of life I want, why I am still not married or at least, not committed to anyone. (Whoever said that I was not committed to anyone? Maybe I’m just taking a different route by not broadcasting it to the world this time and specifically keeping this one hush-hush to save it from being ruined. Maybe.) Anyway people, I’ll put your mind at ease by clarifying your amusing thoughts about us single women who refused to get on the marriage bandwagon just yet.

The thing is, finding the right partner and committing yourself to this person is like finding the right hairstyle. It’s not easy and for idealists like me, who still dream of ending up with ‘my forever,’ it’s not a good idea to be hasty. You actually need to experiment like what you usually do with your hair and go through the annoying phase of  bad hair days and the nuisance of regret nipping at the back of your mind. In my 31 years (yes, I’m a happy 31 year old woman!), I have probably tried all possible hairstyles – pixie cut, short wavy bob, crazy curls, frigid long hair, unstable bald head, blunt fringes – name it, I have tried it.

bald bald as bald can be, UP days!

I have tried shaving all of my hair because it was necessary and although I loved the attention I got from the kind of boldness it empowered me with, I had to live with the ‘growing out’ period when I could hardly manage the stubs and spikes which later became a weirder version of an already weird mohawk hairstyle.

Yes friends, some partners are like this ‘bald do’ that initially will make you brave and limitless but when these wear out, you will be taught the hard lesson to not try it again and be contented with a one-time experience.

dyed light brown versus jet black

I have also tried dyeing my hair a different color. I think the most audacious color I chose was light brown and the safest color was jet black which was pretty useless because my hair was already black in the first place. Don’t ask me why, I forgot what my reasons were. All I knew was, when I dyed my crowning glory, I was not only poisoning my hair but was also being forced to visit the salon more often than usual for re-application which was not only a waste of money, but a waste of time as well.

Let’s admit it, some partners are meant to shine only for a certain time and when they lose that brilliance, it’s best to let them go or better yet, not get involved with them in the first place.

short hairImpulsive short bobs!

I have tried cutting my hair short just for the heck of it (or because I desperately needed change to happen in my life)! In the beginning, it was wonderful to be spirited somewhere by my impulsive decision but it never really took me somewhere significant. Again, my contentment for short and sexy was short-lived and it took more effort to look presentable. Besides, having a short bob limits what you can do with your hair. It lives up to its promise of being short, meaning it’s up to that point only, and you can’t do anything else unless you get extensions which is a big NO NO in my book. This suffocating border is the main reason why you can’t wait for your hair to grow long again.

Some lovers are like this.  They are confined within a certain context only and it’s difficult to be with them for a long time because you know you are capable of so much more.

fringes She bangs!

I have tried fringes (bangs!) too, both short and long. It was interesting in some days but in most days, it gets in my eyes and start irritating me. I hated the bothersome feel on my forehead and the sticky feeling when I sweated profusely. I ended up hiding my fringes with whatever was available – a headband, a bonnet, a hat, a scarf, a clip! Anything to keep it off my face!

Some relationships are like this. You end up hiding something because you’re irritated, you’re ashamed, you’re uncomfortable, or you don’t feel like yourself. If by chance, you catch yourself feeling the same way, then re-think your reasons and re-trace your steps while you still can because there’s a big possibility that this person will bring out the ugliest in you for the lamest purpose. Remember, if it’s a secret then it’s not worth keeping.

straight hair The safe look.

My safety net is frigid long hair. Many people think that this is my natural hairstyle but it’s not. I actually go through the agonizing four to five hours of washing, steaming, rebonding and straightening. Sometimes, if the salon I visited knows what it was doing, my hair will end up exactly like how I imagined it to be but other instances, my hair ended up looking dry and stiff like a freakin’ broom. This kind of hairstyle is easy to manage and if I get tired of letting it hang loose, I can put a clip on or tie it into a bun.

Some partners are similar to this assumed signature hairstyle. They are easy to be with, you feel great when you’re around them, you are happy but here’s the stinger – you achieve that certain ‘high’ only after you have undergone some kind of test first where there is a slight chance that it will not work out. Besides, when you know it’s not true, it will never be real no matter what you’ll do.

curls Crazy curls!

So I guess that leaves us with my natural look. Not a lot of people know this, only family and some friends, that my natural hair is actually curly. Yes, as kinky as my brain. I got it from my father who, in his prime, proudly donned an afro. My relatives, in my father’s side, are mostly curly too. I love my curls. They lessen the sharpness of my facial features. This kind of hairstyle is wash and wear, without the hassle of a comb or a blow dryer. The problem is, sometimes I get bored with it so I end up trying other hairstyles.

For some, partners are like this hairstyle. They’re supposed to be perfect for you but at some point in the relationship, you end up looking for something else. You forget the perfection it offered and throw caution by jumping into something unknown or different. You forget that this jump will be temporary; thus planting a seed of contempt between the two of you. Sometimes, you and your partner will survive it but in most cases these days, survival is no where close.

So if  you’re wondering if I have found my curls, I won’t answer that. I’ll let you in on a secret though, right now, I’m leaving my hair alone and letting my curls grow back. It’s a test of determination and patience, with God’s blessings, I will be on the right track.

Like This Blog's Posts? Get the latest updates straight to your Email for FREE!
Please check your email to confirm your subscription


  1. Nothing beats natural, I agree. But experimentation lends more character. 😉 Hope you find your right style (and whatever comes with it).

    Funny, I just blogged about hair too:



    • Hey Raiza! Thanks…yes, the aim is to get that right hairstyle…I have been meaning to write this article for a long time but couldn’t finish it because I was too lazy to find photos…lol…will read your hair article too!